BREAKING: Rep. Greene Vows to "Deprogram America" by Shutting Down NPR's "Mind Control Waves"
Operation Radio Freedom: Making Airwaves Great Again
WASHINGTON — In a fiery House subcommittee hearing that witnesses described as "somehow both theatrical and deeply mundane," Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) announced her bold new initiative to "liberate the minds of American children" by eliminating what she called the "leftist propaganda machines" of NPR and PBS.
During Wednesday's oversight hearing, Greene repeatedly interrupted NPR CEO Katherine Maher's testimony by dramatically covering her ears and shouting,
"La la la, I can't hear your liberal sound frequencies!"
"Every time a child listens to 'Science Friday,' another patriot's brain gets replaced with communist math," Greene declared while brandishing a crudely drawn diagram of a radio tower shooting lightning bolts into stick figures wearing American flag t-shirts. "These so-called 'educational programs' are nothing but socialist indoctrination disguised as learning!"
When PBS CEO Paula Kerger attempted to explain that their children's programming focuses on basic literacy and kindness, Greene demanded to know "exactly how many times Cookie Monster has mentioned the Second Amendment" and "why Elmo's fur is suspiciously close to communist red."
Greene reserved particular outrage for NPR's "Pop Culture Happy Hour," which she described as "the most dangerous four words in the English language."
"No true American needs to hear opinions about movies or books," she thundered. "When I was growing up, we formed opinions the traditional way – by reading them off the back of pickup trucks!"
The congresswoman's proposed "American Airwaves Freedom Act" would replace all public broadcasting with a single channel featuring "monster truck rallies, tactical gear unboxing videos, and patriotic country music performed exclusively by singers who've never apologized for anything."
When Maher attempted to cite NPR's audience research showing their programming appeals to Americans across the political spectrum, Greene interrupted:
"Those aren't real statistics! They're just numbers that have been radicalized by algebra!"
The hearing concluded abruptly when Greene discovered her phone was receiving NPR podcast notifications and threw it into a pitcher of water, declaring it "cleansed of wokeness."
At press time, Greene was reportedly drafting legislation to investigate whether Big Bird's height constitutes "an unfair advantage over hardworking American birds of normal stature."
Yup, only in America.
Anti-American Airwaves: Holding the Heads of NPR and PBS Accountable
Image ©2025 Gael MacLean
Ha! Good one. Has the Make Americans Gunslingers Again lady been effectively sidelined from her dream job in DOGgie land? I know she was excited over the prospect of firing and starving libs and I was kind of looking forward to seeing her try to out-cruel the Muskrat. It'd be a fun cage match. I got sick of her calls for a national divorce and civil war. They love their four-letter words.
Sarcastic writing at its finest.